| Shit. Life sucks.
But Obama wins so that's not so bad.
I always read livejournal but never post anymore.
Today is the worst day in the history of days in Ellensburg. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| Hi friends!!!
Nothing is going on in Livejournal Land, as per usual. I'm really happy right now about school being almost over for the summer, but stressed and slightly bummed at the same time. I'm really bad at goodbyes and I've had to face and am facing some ugly ones. I'm potentially homeless for the time being and that is extremely frightening. I wish everyone were as go-with-the-flow as I am, it would make this task a lot easier. I am going to miss Willow House. Everything is going to be different this summer, and I mean EVERYTHING. Even more different than last summer was from the one before. Absolutely nothing is going to be the same. It's really quite scary, actually. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Two months later, I still haven't figured out my relationship with alcohol. Mostly, why it exists. I like Brian and alcohol is sort of like a double edged sword when it comes to him. It makes a lot of things easier but at the same time it kind of jams a stick in the spokes, if you will. I should just forget about it because I know it will never progress to anything more than two drunk kids constantly teasing each other. Oh, life, the games you play. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Winter must just be my peak season. I love my life. It's funny how you don't realize how much you miss and like something until you do it again after a long time of not. I LOVE when I have my eye on the prize and get what I'm after.
Being drunk is a really funny thing when you think about it. And I don't mean funny like a ha-ha humorous sort of thing. I've come to the point where I don't really know why I drink anymore, I do silly things. And I don't mean silly like funny and cute, just silly and reckless. And I don't mean reckless in the dangerous sort of way. It's something I can consider over the course of this week.
What I really want is to be able to be as outgoing and friendly when I'm sober as I am when I'm not. I'm a really fun person, and this is truth. And honestly, if I met me, I would like me.
And what I REALLY wish is that I EVER had anything of slight importance to report to you all. BUT my life isn't my life unless I lay down some useless ramblings. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | I wish my life was everything I've always wanted it to be. I don't know why I miss home so much, why missing out has never hurt so much, why I've never loved so much. I didn't think I'd be sick of this house so soon. I don't want to say I hate Ellensburg, but I'm not feelin it anymore. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | my birthday ended almost three hours ago and it came and went without much gusto. I almost feel like it didn't really happen. I should have stayed at home. I don't know why I know this, but I do. I should have been in Bremerton with people who really matter. I should have. I hate being so far away. hate hate hate. I'm not excited for school, not even a little bit. I'm not excited for anything. I'm over Ellensburg. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I'm trying to decide if it's worth going to bed only to have to get up in three and a half hours. Normally I'd be fine with it but first of all, I've got nothing to do to keep from falling asleep and second of all I have a long day tomorrow with no time for napping. I'll be miserable when I have to wake up in three hours but I'll be miserable when I'm in my last moment before dying of exhaustion. I guess I could sleep the three hours as a cat nap and consume massive amounts of caffeine in the morning. Finishing a paper has never felt so unsatisfying. I'M COLD!
problem solved. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | I don't really know what I'm doing this for, or why I still have this. Everything's cool in cow town, besides the fact that I'm too far away from my niece. I love her, she's perfect. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I'm an aunt and I'm so excited to see my beautiful baby neice!!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | school started and it's not that fun. I guess it's nice to actually be doing something with my life other than working and drinking. But out of those two things, my favorite one is now being shut out due to the addition of school. School, work, homework, sleep. Repeat. It's cool, though. I'm happier than I thought I would be to be playing again so I guess that's good. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Having a house is everything I thought it would be. Worrying about bills already, scrambling to find a job, trying to figure out just how much I can eat in one day to make my food last until I scrounge up some more money, compulsively checking the house to make sure lights are turned off in an effort to have as low an electricity bill as possible, having to find things to do in this tiny little town while my pretty yellow cottage is bug bombed. I love it as much or more than I have ever loved anything else in my life. It is cute and quaint and MINE. All the kinks will be worked out soon enough. I have an interview at taco del mar on Monday and while stuffing tacos (note pun) isn't my ideal carreer, a job is a job is a job and money is the ultimate goal. I just want to work hella, maybe get two jobs, not have to stress about "Will I have enough money to make rent?" and perhaps to be able to save some for when I work way less when school starts. Anyway. Keep in touch, friends. Some of you should definately come visit me. CALL A BITCH!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Engaging in conversation with my father never, ever leaves me feeling positive, about anything. He always seems like he's mad, at me, about anything and everything. He makes me feel worthless and stupid. I hate it. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | It's amazing how things I've worried about for so long, things that I thought were going to be such conundrums, have just come together without much effort. Everything is working out how it should! Well, almost. I still need a job desperately. But money isn't everything. NOT! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Sometimes I wonder how it makes a grown man feel to know that he made a young woman cry. Or, for that matter, how anyone feels to know that they made anyone else cry. I don't think I've ever made anyone cry. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I guess a D+ IS considered passing. With 47 credits completed I am now a sophomore in college. Man. Unfortunately I don't think a D+ is good enough considering the class was toward my major and I just might have to retake it. Fanfreakingtastic. Who cares. I hate going to school. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I've been talking about getting a house with my friends for months now, it's just been in the back of my mind forever. The closer it gets, the more excited I get. The more the thought creeps into the front of my mind, though, the more scared I get. I've had a job since I was a sophomore in high school. Why? My parents pay for everything I could possibly need. I work to earn money so I can pay to buy clothes, shoes, go out to dinner, whatever, trite bullshit. I'm so scared that I'm going to have to be a real adult pretty soon, and I can tell it hasn't really sunken in completely yet. I'm going to get my paychecks and have to turn around and give most of my money to my landlord. I'm going to have to pay for rent, cable bills, groceries, etc. It's fucking scary. But that's growing up, right. I feel like such an infantile brat complaining about real-life, everyday things that adults deal with all the time. And I want to be an independent adult SO BAD. It will be so worth it, though. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | It is amazing to me how quickly things wind down. Monday felt like it should have been Friday. Now it's Thursday and I wonder where the week has gone. My room is cluttered with suitcases and I feel like so much still has to be done, but in all reality, I only have enough to fill a backpack left to pack and by 5:30 tomorrow, goodbye Alford Montegue! I fretted so much about how I was going to live through eight months here, and a small portion of me now is still clinging to this life. It just goes to show you that some cliches are so true to life. You never know how much you love something until it's gone. I wish so much that I could have done as well as I have been given the opportunity to do. I wish I could have succeeded to my full potential. The effort that I actually put forth is nowhere near the effort I could have put forth. I wish I would have been nicer to my roommate. I wish I would have gone to class instead of sleeping through a hangover. Looking back, I can't honestly feel guilty for all the choices that I've made. Looking forward, I can't get mad about the results of my academic life here, because I know I brought them on myself. I believe more and more each day that everything happens for a reason. Everything really does happen for a reason and maybe I can't see the reasons now, but I know everything will turn out how it was meant to. I am so positive on life right now. Tomorrow is a new day and it is looking up. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | he means NOTHING to me. And when I say nothing, I've never meant so little in my life when I say N-O-T-H-I-N-G. I say so much that, what do I care? I don't give a fuck about him. But something inside of me changes when I see him grab his phone and I know who he's contacting. Something inside of me changes when I see her stumble out of a car and next thing I know he's gone. Something definately changes. I care so little. I care so much. It hurts. I'm numb. I'm such a stupid woman. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Camping was a success, although the scratches on my legs and ass might tell you otherwise. Peeing in the bushes is just as hard or easy as you thought it could be, depending on your outlook. For once I was outside of the circle of drama and for once I behaved in a completely acceptable manner towards certain individuals. I think I'm on the path that leads away from embarassment, although it is still one of jealousy. My heart and my mind never agree but the point is, I didn't think about New York once this weekend and I guess that's a good thing in the big picture sense. Reading things other people write, listening to and being involved in other peoples' problems, makes me realize that the things I think I hurt about are so trivial. I have frequent moments of realization where I, well, realize that my life is so good and overall I have nothing to complain about. But they are just that, moments. They never last and I find myself in ruts, just hating everything that goes on. I hope this time it sticks around because if I don't learn how to be greatful for all that I have, I'll never be as happy as a person like me should be. But right now, I am so happy.
I just saw Fight Club last night for the first time, and I can't believe what I'd been missing this whole time. That movie is so good. And the whole time I just kept seeing and hearing parts where I'm like, this is such a Chuck Palahniuk story. It was awesome, and although I'm sure I was one of the only people I know who hadn't seen it until now, if you haven't, do so. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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